I've been on a bit of a downer the past couple of weeks. Not depressed or anything, but suffering from some really severe writer's block. It's gotten to the point that every time I try to write I just freeze up from anxiety. It's why I haven't even been able to make a blog post for a while, and why I haven't even bothered to visit other blogs. Yes, I have been actively avoiding all of you out there. I couldn't stand to witness your apparent success compared to my absolute failure.
Over the last couple of days I started to track back to the inciting incident. Usually when I feel this way, there's something that set it off. And because it was so specific to writing, (day job wasn't suffering, what little social life I have was fine) I knew it had to be writing related. Then I realized that there were two things going on.
First problem: My last post centered around a grammar quirk that I had never noticed before, but now I see every where. I started to wonder what other wacky things I was doing that totally dragged down my work. So whenever I started writing I agonized over every sentence, wondering what I was doing wrong this time. The only reason why Weaver was completed is because my first draft was truly a vomit draft, but now I'm deliberately choking back my own bile. I can't write unless all filters are off, and I've cranked my filters up to 11.
Second problem: Regarding Weaver: After slaving over my query and synopsis, researching agents, making a list of possibles, and steeling myself for the query process, I realized that I just didn't want to go through with it. Yes, I want to be published, but I don't want to go the traditional route. I have been going back and forth between traditional and self-publishing from the day I finished the first draft. When I finally settled on traditional, I made that decision because I thought it was the right one for me. I thought that publishing traditionally would be less work for me. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it would be just as much work, if not more; first convincing an agent that I was worth the effort, then convincing a publisher. Plus, these days publishers expect new authors to do a lot of their own marketing anyway, so the idea that I could avoid having to market myself and my book (I'm an introvert who second guesses every social interaction I engage in), was a fallacy. So, in addition to being completely freaked out about writing anything new, I was like a deer in the headlights of the oncoming decision to switch publishing tactics. Finally, I talked myself into self publishing.
So yeah, I'm going the indie route. I know that there's a lot of work to do - firstly, getting a good editor - but at this point in my writing life, I feel like it's the right decision.
I'm hoping that identifying these problems, and writing about them, will help me through this writer's block. I know that everyone gets a touch of the Block, but does anyone else have such specific reasons for it?